Valentine’s Day is around the corner and this year my best friend Ellen Kaline (Click to view her blog) and I will spend the next 10 days focusing on the theme of love with a bleak twist. The theme is This is Love, This is Murder and our posts will surround love from a more downbeat and gritty place.
The first day’s prompt is: a Secret Love Letter. I hope you enjoy.
Dear _____________________ ,
I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what to call it. Wishful thinking? Or maybe it’s called Pathetic Excuses to obsess over every “I miss you” and “can I tell you a secret” that passes from your beautiful lips. Every time you laugh at my stupid jokes or agree with one of my awful insults of the people you kissed who weren’t me, I forget to breathe and my lungs get heavy and then I have to remind myself to inhale.
I don’t know what to call that.
That feeling like every time you ask to hang out or go to lunch together, you’re asking me because you want to be near me. Like I exude this beautiful, magically enthralling spirit of joy and love… Something so contagious that even when I act a fool, trying to impress you, or act out my name, trying to hide the obvious fact that I am crushing on you hard, you will still look at me like I’m the sole reason you’re happy here.
I don’t know why I hang on every compliment you give me like they’re declarations of your affection. They’re not. You probably don’t analyze my every word and action, as if trying to decipher an ancient map leading to a mythical city made of gold where Queens of the old worlds hid all the secrets of spirituality and sex. You probably don’t see me and beg the deities of the earth and wisdom to give you the strength to hide your true feelings so you don’t scare me off. And I’m sure you don’t notice all the extra things I do to show my undying devotion to you, the little things I do to express how much I care about your well-being.
It’s not your fault though.
I’m the one that’s keeping it a secret.
Your Friend Who’s in Love with You